I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
