god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She's the barista slut.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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