Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
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i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
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I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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