But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
