It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
