last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
