he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
