I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
