if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
