I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
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What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.