escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
