Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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