There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
