I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
