She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
