actually, I'm a sock model
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
