i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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