Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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