Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
