I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
