What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
