I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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