All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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