i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
