She's JV to your varsity
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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