Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I should be sponsored by Trojan
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
