So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
