and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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