He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
