I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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