you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
