Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
a search helicopter?!
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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