It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
