You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
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