are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
