My dream of liquor pitchers came true
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
