And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
