i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
