Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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