Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
