she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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