Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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