Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
