Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
