all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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