her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize