Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
