i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You left your phone here
Wait...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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