"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
