giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
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And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
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Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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