Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
