are you still at the devil's house?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I wear drunk well.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
