Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
