We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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