...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
