When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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