Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
