The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
