Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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