There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
