you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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