I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
